我真傻真天真

A little space of mine

The things that happened on Monday still feels so surreal to me now.
I really received the most unexpected results.
It was so shocking that i was stunt for a few seconds.
Actually the first thing that came to me was not the numbers of As that i got.
Neither was the overall results that i got.
It was the huge C in my results slip.
Read my blog post in a critical manner, it may be a very good results to many but i just need somewhere to pen down my thoughts.
The C really strucked me because my favourite language failed me once again.
I was really disappointed with myself.
For both A Levels and O Levels, my results didn't do justice at all.
Maybe it was because i'm just non-comparable with the PRC/i literally screwed my paper 1 and summary.
My love for chinese got me very good results in school exams but never during national exams except for PSLE.
No one can understand that feeling.
Even though so many people told me that getting B for GP is better than getting B for GSC since i'm considering business and social science but they don't know how i truly feel.
After the few seconds of staring at the C, i finally saw my other grades.
Yet another round of shock.
GP-B. Till now i still feel that the examiners marked wrongly.
How can i fare equally as well as the 2 Eunices in my class who is so much better than me in English.
In really don't know how that came by.
Maybe because examiner likes Aung San Suu Kyi/Malala/Halima Yaccob/Lee Kuan Yew.
I really don't know, my paper 1 and 2 was filled with politics i can still clearly rmbr.
This few days, i kept thinking of the days where i had twice weekly consultations with Ms Chew,
chionging all her GP homework like some mad woman during weekends, got laughed by my classmates at my broken English, made a fool of myself out of everything.
I thank all these events which made me a more confident speaker today.
Who still clearly rmbrs how sucky my English was when i first entered JC, i can't even speak a proper sentence.
Thanks all that helped me through and forced me to speak English to them.
All the hardwork and effort put in was worthwhile.
I really got a B that i NEVER imagined.
To me, a C is already a great gift from Heaven.
From a S student throughout my 2 years in JC, till i got a D in prelims and lastly a B in A's.
That was the reason that got me crying for 3 times that day. I was so glad actually.

Got an A for Maths, that was what i hoped for actually.
My maths results was like sitting on a swing, sometimes good sometimes bad.
My tuition teacher also 拿我没辙.
Mr Yong once said that: Clarissa what happened to you?
You are my potential A student, but your results from last year till now....
I told him that i was defeated by the countless failure in my maths test and exams
but he said: It's okay, i still see the spark in you.
That was after prelims where i passed everything except for Maths.
I worked hard for maths, my tuition teacher worked equally hard as well.
For the 4 years teaching me, she never once gave up on me.
My fundamentals were so lousy and she really picked me from scratch and slowly brought me up.
She special methods of teaching makes me learn and think in different ways.
I really thank her for being my teacher and my friend.
We have so many things in common and that's why we really clicked well.
I know that she's really happy for me and i also owe to her the 3 As that i got for E Maths, A Maths and H2 Maths. Thank You Liting.

Econs was a self-study subject for me all along and i think i don't owe my A to anyone.
It is a subject that i truly love and get all the logic behind it haha!
Honestly speaking the Econs lectures and tutorials were rather sucky but i guess Ms Tan really drills concept into your mind and she nags till you remember what she says during exams.
But in the first place you must get the basics right.
I memorised and internalized econs concept and that's how i scored i guess.
Getting an S and being the 90th percentile in the cohort is my once in a life-time experience.
Imagine the top student gets a B, she 100th percentile, i got S but 90th percentile haha!

That pretty much sums up my Monday.
I guess Monday really took too much of my energy, i was so restless and shag for the whole work week.
Dealing with office politics also made me so frustrated and the endless workload that my bosses are giving me.
I'm really considering to switch job after my contract ends.
I guess the only time when i'm really happy is the time when i'm with my temps.
They really are the ones that make my day and make me feel fortunate taking up this job.
Some of my mentor and seniors are really nice, i also thank them for all the reminders and guidance given to me so far.
Another 2 more months to go and hopefully no one else quits, Gerome's absence is making us so sad already..

I've always been a very self-motivated person, and i'll continue to do so because i know that the world is very practical and we need to see the cruel truth.

成长。蜕变。

It has been such a long time since i last blogged.
Kinda neglected this small little space of mine because i was really too busy.
It is amazing how much i've gone through for the past 2 years.
It seems as if nothing much happened,
but when you reflect back you will realised actually you have created so much memories.
It was a tough 2 years for many of us.
There were many times that i faced setbacks and i felt like giving up,
but JC is really a route with no u-turn.
All that you can do is to continue to climb up that mountain.
There is so much mixed feelings and thoughts that cannot be expressed with words.
Now that i'm really taking a long break, i realised that i still miss the busy life.
It makes my day more fruitful and fulfilling.
However, it is such a torturous 2 years that i would never wanna repeat again.
它是一个身，心，灵的战争.
Though i don't really have many close friends in school,
but i'm glad that i still had joy and laughter in my JC life.
It's those stupid little jokes that carried me throughout the 2 years.
It seems as if i keep complaining about everything in life,
but if i'm given another chance, i'll still make the same decision go through the same crap.

Now, as i settle down, there's a feeling of emptiness in me.
All that i can do is to bury myself in books, dramas and soon with work.
I guess i already started missing college life.
School will never be the same in the future, it's time to look forward and embrace my life.

I had alot of regrets in life, it seems like i didn't live my jc life to the fullest.
However, every step that i take is destined.
I'll bring whatever i have with me and continue on.

This is a rare blog post with no pictures at all.
Just hope to wrap up my jc life by writing some thoughts.
Once again, i'm thankful for everyone in my life.
Those that i love and love me, those who scolded me, those who made me grew.

Thank you.

Clarissa欣
Time Check: 12.18PM

安初华乐!

(290413; AJCO 弦乐组-XYZ)

I feel that if i don't blog today, i might not be blogging about this anymore.
This post is dedicated to AJCO.
And after months of hard work we finally got DISTINCTION!!!
But there's definitely more to it.

Life in CO for me wasn't easy at all.
I know nothing about erhu, nothing about 单线谱.
The first few months when i started playing, my skin just keep peeling,
we were forced to learn a song and hopefully be able to perform during concert last year.
There were many times that i really feel like giving up,
wondering what am i doing here, would it be different if i didn't choose CO.
Mum knows that i'm very stress about it,
and she once asked me:是不是你不适合?
But she knows that i like it, thus continue to give me support.

Had many awesome memories with the inexperienced people.
Jermaine and i had a heart to heart talk during our stay in hostel
and we realised that we have really came so far,
our experience is definitely very very different from the experienced people.
We learned, we did backstage, carried instruments, had our first performance
and finally performed during SYF.
No one will understand how we actually feel,
and as more and more people leave the inexperience group,
we are technically only left with each other.
Remember that we had our test 2 weeks before SYF,
and we took turns to screw the test,
i almost cried after tt but managed to resist,
but really could stop but teared during my train ride home alone.

I really gained alot throughout my 1 year and 3 months in AJCO.
I really thank my 2 SLs who never once gave up on me
and always so encouraging even though i always disappoint them.
Kiayuen and Jiaqi are the 2 who never fails to make the whole 弦乐组 laugh.
With this bunch of people, i never once regretted joining CO.
This year wasn't easy for me,
i had lots of practices, average of 4 times a week,
had such tough times coping with everything,

but i managed to walk this far.

I'm happy for AJCO, not because we got distinction,
but we managed to achieve and conquer what we wanted.
黄老师once said: 你们不是在跟别的学校比，而是跟自己比.
要怎么超越自己？我想我们做到了.

SYF will be my last performance, unless we can be guest CO for TJCO concert.
This marks the end of my performing arts life.
9 years of performing, 4 SYFs, countless performances.
I'm glad that my life is enriched, and i can say that i love the stage.

Jermaine, the girl whom i've 相依为命 with for the past 1 year.

My 宝贝二胡10.

ByeBye
Clarissa欣
Time Check: 8.44PM

不是回忆不肯放过你, 而是你不肯放过自己

Don't know why but just had the sudden urge to blog.
I guess i know if i don't do so, the next time i blog would be few months later.
Technically this is the first blog post of the year and guess what today is already 5th April.
This shows how efficient and updated i'm hehe!

The past 3 months zoomed past at lightning speed.
I guess i've been thorough alot and learn quite a number of lessons too?
School life is practically mundane, and i feel like i'm going through the motion.
No point whining anyways, it will not do me much help.
I guess my sleeping hours are gradually shortening and i reach home later and later each day.

Life may seem stressful for me, but actually i kinda enjoyed and cherished all my CO practices.
The feeling of working towards a certain goal is back.
Frankly speaking i'm not as close as my CCA mates as my choir peeps,
hence the feeling of working together is different.
However, our ultimate goal is still the same, so things are still not that bad.
I start to interact with more of my section mates and people from other sections.
The fact that i've 2SLs, P,VP and secretary as my followers is really shocking.
But it's okay, they are pretty nice people though.
But now must be more cautious of what i tweet *sian* haha!
Just another 24 more days to the end of all this.
I guess i will miss all these when the time comes~

As for studies, my results all like S_ _ _
Like seriously, other than some particular tests that i passed
the rest of my results all so crappy.
My 信心就快被 AJ Maths Dept 磨光了
Chemistry is another killer. Other than J1 MYCT that i've gotten and E,
I've never passed other chem exam/block test at all.
This time BT idk lah, but 恐怕也凶多吉少.
Okay, enough of ranting.
3 blog post is also not enough to rant my frustrations.

But with all these said, i'm glad to have a bunch of awesome friends beside me.
They are the ones who brightened up and add colours to my life.
Without them, i wouldn't be that motivated to continue this journey
and also pull thorough all my cramps(this is random) but they did helped me alot hahaha!
I also started to see the true colours of some people.
I used to be oblivious in the past and think that everyone are equally good.
But after things that has happened around recently
It made me changed my opinions about people and stuffs.
And i really think that 一个人的好是要用心去感受，行动去证明
Don't really wanna harp on this topic anymore,
it just makes me feel sad ah ah ah ah ah!

Okay, a rather random post.
Just to sum up my 3 months and counting life in AJC.
I don't know when will be my next blog post alr.
So perhaps i'll post some pictures?
So that my blog don't look so dead!

I got my first ever medal for Track&Field Meet 2013!
Good job 30/12 girls!

Thanks to my lovelies who are always physically and mentally there for me when i need them :)

ByeBye
Clarissa欣
Time check: 12.49 AM

2012的结束, 2013 年的全新开始

( 22/12/12-30/12/12 桂林-巴马)

Back in Singapore yesterday, still not recharged yet.
Feel so lethargic to do anything, yet block test is a week away -.-
I'm here not wasting time but wanting to have a proper wrap up of my year.
This year is really a great jump for me,
sec 4 to j1 especially in AJC is really no kidding.
Unless you have exactly experienced what i've been through this year,
you will not be able to know how i really feel.
All the stress from studies, managing relationship problems(nothing to do with bgr)
and all the politics everywhere really made me 吃不消
luckily i've got Sylvia who i can complain to every single day on the train about my previous day
谢啦!
and although we 3 猪s don't get to meet so often but each meeting is so precious
有时不需要太多刻意的提起，或太多的言语，因为我们了解彼此
就算走的路不一样了，但心还是系在一起的~
Both of them are really my best 靠山，垃圾桶，朋友，姐妹，猪s!

I really don't know how would it be like next year,
and the worst thing is that no matter i can or cannot,
i have to survive through everything i experience next year.
Not only that, my results dropped alot this year,
and i must really work hard next year.
With that said, my revision for block test is still 一团乱~
Shall not care so much of the other stuff next year~
So what environment changes, people changes,
i cannot decide on how other stuff changes but i can decide on my own attitude towards it.
I realise sometimes when you care too much , you will end up getting hurt~
This is the lesson that i learn this year and will follow me through next year.
I hope that there will be changes to it next year,
but who is willing to take the step forward, or backwards?

This year, the best time and memories i had was 90% all with Unitians
At the start of the year was 4/9 outing at ECP,
then Rachel's Birthday, release of results, all my outings with YYT,
Night study with ex-unitians and juniors, Teachers' day class lunch + KTV
USS Birthday "Surprise" for me with YYT and the guys, 4/9 year-end outing at ECP.
Should be no more le bah~
Love 4/9 alot alot~
and because of the trip to USS, i gave myself the best 17th birthday present-
once in a life time experience of 2 proper roller coaster ride.
Hahaha!

My best days is really in Secondary School,
and i need to try to make my life better too next year~
As i said, no point looking back and immersing myself in past memories
try to make my everyday in 2013 counts and that starts tomorrow.
Leave behind all the sorrow and sadness experienced in 2012,
start on a fresh new sheet, and work towards a better Clarissa.
Realise i moodswing alot nowadays and i feel so bad to make others 看我脸色~
No matter whether you realise or not~
Should start to find the cheerful and positive "me" back again.
I really hope for a better new year and cherish my everyday.
Don't know how long the people around me would live,
or how long i would live, 世事无常, so i should not leave any regrets in life!

After all my crapping, i should get back to studying again!
Jiayou all i can for block test!!!
If i have the time after BT i will try to blog about my Guilin trip
桂林山水甲天下，阳朔风光甲桂林
My tour guide say until i can memorise liao~

Byebye
Clarissa欣
Time Check:: 6.52 PM

Last post of year 2012, start of brand new 2013!
Clarissa you can do it! 加油加油加油!

荏苒的光阴依旧深刻

Spent almost 2 hours to put all pictures here place.
I know for my past 2 post i've been super emo
still trying to walk out of the situation
doing stuffs that make me either happy or busy.
Making myself occupied with stuff will reduce the time where my mind starts wander off
this post would be the usual photo updates.
90% all food related hahaha!
Spent my whole november eating and eating
that's why i've spent few hundred dollars in the past 2 months already~
Scary max~

Let's start with Monday(26 Nov)
30/12 had our class SL with AMK FSC(Cheng San Branch)
It was rather successful that day
other than a little cock up somewhere or another
i was the OIC but super slack one can~
No need look after children etc...
Quite an enjoying and enriching experience though
love the indian kids who danced to gangnam style
that song was played 5-6 time that day
till i almost went @_@
now i realised that i really don't like kids
no matter how well behaved they are
and between boys and girls i would prefer boys more.
Haha!

Presenting to you the volunteers of the day:
guess this would be the last class activity with 30/12
the real 30/12, although some not around.
Really thank all who were present that day, all that make the day possible~

Celebrated Elizabeth's belated birthday on 20Nov
She was super touched and almost teared
she is the last birthday girl that our class celebrated with,
the last birthday of the year for 30/12
next year she will also not be part of us already...
Things starts to become sad again..
Ohwells~

Movie date with S on 19Nov
新兵正传 part 1 was nice!
Hope we 2 busy girls can catch part 2 together next year *pray*

Before that, had Fish&Co with class girls
first time eating it, the food was not bad ^^

Year End CDP-Sandcastle building@ECP
It was a horrible experience for me,
had a trobbing headache with lasted me the whole day,
and i almost faint of heatstroke,
that day was filled with disappointed with some people etc...
Don't want to think back again,
just look at pictures :)
It was the second last class event
which 3 who will leave us next year was present

After that head to Seoul Garden at Tampiness with CAPEW
eating, crapping and laughing
everything would be perfect without my headache
we kinda had our first gossiping session among ourselves?
Like our past crushes etc..
Hearing their stories make me feel i'm the saddess one.
Hahahaha!
Well everything of the past has already passed,
我早已放下过去，设法让自己活得更坚强更快乐.
I think now the best song to describe my feeling is 幸福不远
My liking for songs changed too~
Now i don't really like sad and emo songs
cause that stage has passed, now no one in mind to relate to those songs
Hahaha!
That's why now i love S.H.E type of songs from 13th album :D

EuniceT's birthday celebration, another story behind.
Ohwells, see photos~

Seoul Garden with random new clique,
no lah just impromptu lunch
still got one more, Kelvin the photographer not inside~
Was super full that day that i coudl barely eat my dinner
K-session after that with them
Our class guys singing not as bad as it think, hahaha!

The day of PWOP,
blur picture lazy to transfer the clear one~
Although i kinda screwed alittle
but ohwells its all over!

Head to Gabriel's house for BBQ after lunch at Pizza Hut.
First time in my life class outing full attendance
but another story behind.
Ohwells, look at pictures~
Much much more pictures that i don't get to see at FB
go see it there if you want.
Hehehe!

Lunch at Naked Fish Shoppe with class girls~
Most horrible western restaurant that i've ever went...
Never gonna go there back again~~

Lunch at Mac and head over to playground to play with them
slightly found the child in me~
All the childhood days, 那么的无忧无虑~
Things are no longer the same now~
Ohwells~

That's all for now,
my official last day of school is next Tuesday
after that i will not have to go back to school anymore for the year 2012
and everything will come to an end.
My year 2012 really really left a great impact on me,
i guess i will come back as a stronger person,
a person that will be less naive of how great the world is.
Although i'm sick and tired of such life
but i guess this is what i've to face for the rest of my live.
Need to prepare for 2013 block test soon..
Sigh to the max...
Thats all, long long post indeed~

ByeBye
Clarissa欣
Time Check: 2.46PM

累了

It has been such a depressing 2 weeks for me...
Don't know how many times have i cried for the past 2 weeks..
Ohwells, i really can't wait for everything to end..
As long as i don't see, don't hear, don't say, will things get better?
Life like this is really really very tiring...
Only music can soothe my soul now...
Hope next month would really be a getaway from me
don't really mind cca anyways..
but even in cca there are people leaving..
like my closest friend in CO is also retaining
really when people starts leaving, whats left?
Xianyue left like that pathetic few,
the inexperienced one left 2?
Really find it pointless for school now
i don't want year 2013 to start,
i totally dread school now.
I don't wanna see anyone related to AJC now...
Not that i hate everyone,
but seeing familiar faces makes me think even more about unhappy stuff.
Disappointment and all really makes things worst,
don't wanna sound so negative
but i really can't find a single thing that i'm happy about in this whole year with AJC.
It is just complain fedup disappointment etc..
I guess the time when i really felt happy was during all 4/9 outing this year
even nightstudy was a happy session for me.
Nothing at all to do with AJ.
Nothing to do with the school but with the people i meet.
Really think i grew alot this year, from the one being protected till now...
But i'm really tired...
I guess the thing that will last me through next year would be Alevels,
can't be bothered with any socialization stuff anymore.
If class leader is a one year thing,
might not even want to run for next year's election.
Will i be very irresponsible in this way?
Who will take up the role?

That's all for now...
Was supposed to switch on com for SL stuff,
ended up typing this crap post.

ByeBye
Clarissa欣
Time Check: 10.00PM

Clarissa★